Life is hot and I am short. I'm mainly here for the group therapy (Sherlock, Doctor Who, Harry Potter, Cabin Pressure, and the Hobbit). Proud supporter of TJLC since January 12th, 2014.Ask me anything
it’s just Sherlock, cradling John’s neck, pressing into John’s wound, futilely trying to staunch the bleeding, so he has John’s blood on his hands, the life force, the essence of John’s existence, and it’s running all over the place, and he thinks he’s losing it, losing John and the wound is so deep John is gurgling and Sherlock can’t help but access his medical knowledge and I’m sure, I’m SURE he knows the odds that John will survive this are slim, and he’s sobbing, sherlock is sobbing, not like on the train in TEH, but just uncontrollable, desperate wailing and begging and begging and looking at John, who’s trying to speak and Sherlock says you can’t die, john, you can’t, the difference between you and I is that you survived my death but I won’t, I won’t survive yours, john please, you can’t and it doesn’t even matter if john lives or dies because it’s this fucking idea of that volcano of emotion, the depths of desperation and intensity inside of Sherlock that he tries so hard to tamp down erupting and we see it all at once, and so does John, and everything is covered in blood and it’s visceral and it’s real and it’s sherlock’s heart on display, it’s imagining the entirety of Sherlock’s heart on display that’s what’s killing me
That’s exactly what I meant. I have literally and physically sobbed to this idea but remember (and this is tragic in its own right) that the continuation of this is necessarily John waking up smiling in a hospital bed as Sherlock sits absolutely drained, wrecked, trembling, nearly dead by his bedside, both ashamed at what he has revealed and not at all sorry because he’s still too fragile over John’s health to actually retreat and be stoic and he just looks at john and they are both breathing raggedly and John says “sherlock” and sherlock wants to say a thousand things like “i almost lost you, i love you, i will spend the rest of my life making sure that never happens again” but the only thing he ends up saying is “I would have died.”
and that’s all john needs to know that he didn’t hallucinate it and he pulls Sherlock to him and Sherlock’s sobbing is honestly no less tragic than when it was out of sadness because he actually can’t believe it. John being alive is currently the best thing and he hasn’t even wanted to think of anything more or contemplate what john had been trying to say but now John is kissing him and it’s awful because there are tubes everywhere but John is saying that he loves him and runs a soothing and surprisingly strong hand through his hair and says it’s okay and they are going to be okay now and sherlock is shaking because he doesn’t know how to be this happy he’s never felt it before.
i can’t even read all this because i’m crying too hard
I have until the rain stops